SparkiJ’s Top Ten Compilations – Part 1: Top Ten Chicks in Games

July 28, 2008 § Leave a comment

I decided to start a little compilation before I go away for a while to make sure the Clockwork Manual isn’t looking too empty for the next 3 weeks. It’s something I’ve discussed with a few friends and so I decided to make a 3 part post on certain “Top 10s” in gaming. Tonight I’ll start with the top pixelated or high-def ladies we wish were real sometimes. Remember this is as seen by me so don’t be too offended if your dream anime babe isn’t on here. Thoughts and comments are always welcome and now, starting of course in reverse order!

Note: This isn’t entirely based on physical appearance, just general awesome points.

10. Princess Zelda – Okay fine! I’ll admit it now. I only dislike Nintendo now after I feel they’ve sold out a bit but before I was a sucker for Nintendo exclusives namely the ones on the N64. Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask remains one of my favourite platformers ever and really I see why Link risks his life fighting strange monsters all the time. Princess Zelda mixes in sophistication with natural beauty as the princess of Hyrule and has that certain magical feel about her. Also the fact that she has alter egos in Sheik and Tetra gives her that mysterious vibe that might prove to you what you see in the pink dress and blonde hair isn’t what you get.

9. Lara Croft – Funny this. Tomb Raider fans will see this and start fuming but personally I find she’s just about sexy enough to make the list but doesn’t do enough for me to be higher up. The rich, perfectly curvy and big breasted brunette adventurer has to be on the list though! Born into a rich background, Lara walked away from that life to travel the world alone. Her bravery and confidence coupled with her ability to wield guns injected some much needed raw sexual energy into gaming, quite early on. Possibly the only reason she’s not ranked higher is that I never really got into the Tomb Raider series. Always found the story too Indiana Jones like and a bit lacking in finesse.

8. Nina Williams – Again, a popular one for the lads out there. One of four Tekken characters that have appeared in every single installment. Namco seem to have caught on to their target audience. Although personally I only have 3 Tekken games, I don’t know too much about her. Why is she ranked at 8 then you ask? Blonde hair, blue eyed, busty assassin. She’s on this list for the pure fact that she’s put on a bikini. One huge flaw though, not really any personality. I don’t follow the whole Tekken story but it seems to be as she hardly speaks. Still would though.

7. Alyx Vance – Did you hear that noise? That my readers is the sound of my colleagues ejaculating at the mention of anything Half-life related. Alyx Vance, n
ot the prettiest of the girls on the list but probably one of the most kick-ass. Proven as a skilled hacker, she’s able to handle herself with a gun and in combat. Probably the most charming girl on the list and the most realistic we could relate to. Modest, smart and a good sense of humour. The only controversy would be why not to put her higher up. Unfamiliar territory for me, first off I haven’t played a lot of half life and secondly I don’t like it that much.

6. Meryl Silverburgh – Ah! Back to familiar territory. Now my friends in particular are going to be annoyed at me here. Meryl’s quite the popular one in the Metal Gear Solid camp but why is she ranked at 6? Basically because of the ending of Metal Gear Solid 4. I won’t go into detail as its a major spoiler but basically I personally didn’t agree with Hideo Kojima’s way of ending Meryl’s story. The young ball busting red head not only strikes you with personality and cunning in Metal Gear Solid 1 but also in the fourth installment as the commander of the Rat Patrol Team. Meryl seriously takes no bullshit from anyone and everyone seems to be in awe of her leadership. Why? She could nail you with her desert eagle from 50 yards away square in the forehead and pretend as if you were killed by your own lack of awareness. Tall, sexy and stubborn. Meryl’s the only person the legendary Solid Snake thinks twice about when it comes to who not to fuck with.

5. Kaileena (Empress of Time) – I am a huge fan of the Prince of Persia series and my stubbornness and love for Kaileena made me do all that extra stuff to get the water sword and fight the Dahaka instead as a final boss in Warrior Within. The mysterious woman in red in the Prince of Persia series gives you the advice that served as an advertising slogan for Warrior Within. “Prince, you cannot change your fate.” Revealed as the Empress of Time herself, her sultry appearance drove the Prince of Persia to a state of confusion as to what to do. When it came to his life or hers, naturally he chose secret option no.3 and ran away with her to Babylon. She’s ranked so highly in my eyes because of her sheer power in Warrior Within and untimely and emotional separation of the Prince at the beginning of Two Thrones. Sexy + Powerful + Good Gameplay and Story = Happy Gamer.

4. Trish – Oh my, here’s where it probably gets hard for me. To me there’s a clear favourite and winner but the next few entries are easily my favourite girls in games ever. Trish, from Devil May Cry. Physically stunning in appearance with her trademark black corset and tight trousers, she’s the only one that could possibly be worthy “woman-wise” of the awesome-ness that is Dante. With long blonde hair and big breasts, shes the epitamy of that which is cool in gaming, I mean she rides a black motorbike too and has the ability to shapeshift! Seemingly immortal, having been sent by the demon Mundus in Devil May Cry 1, she manages to trick the son of Sparda himself and handles herself well anywhere. Not only that but her cocky and witty personality makes her the most deadliest and sexiest woman you don’t want to go near.

3. EVA – Oh dear, another Metal Gear chick. EVA, also known as Big Mama in Metal Gear Solid 4, probably should have been ranked no. 2. My reason she’s at 3 is because, well. I’ve played through MGS4 where she’s an old lady. It put me off her enough to drop down a place I guess. Bearing a striking resemblance to a Bond girl, this blonde spy is not only beautiful and deadly but her persona in the Metal Gear series is that of a “good guy.” Her sense of morals and the well being of the world is praised but don’t take that the wrong way. She’s no pussy. She manages to trick and manipulate just about everyone around her with her striking beauty and was also to save the life of Big Boss. Her elegance is shown in everything she does, even the way she shoots people in the face. Still don’t agree with me? Unlock the peep show scenes in Metal Gear Solid 3 and then you might.

2. Joanna Dark – My Nintendo fanboy feelings are really coming out now huh? Still people that know me well would know that the N64 had some of my favourite games ever and this, up until the release of Timesplitters was my favourite first person shooter. The reason she’s my second favourite video game chick of all time is because of how much I loved Perfect Dark. Backed by stunning visuals and creativity, Perfect Dark had a wide variety of weapons and was driven by a story that was a genre-blend. Aliens, secret agents, fit protagonist. It all just spells out awesome game before you play it considering this was released before every shooter was based on aliens or the army. Joanna Dark herself has big wide eyes that sort of remind me of a shy teenage girl but still dangerous at the same time. I think Rare made a good “less is more” quiet and beautiful character in Joanna Dark. Along with the fact that she’s the star of such a great game, that’s why she’s at number 2.

1. Aerith Gainsborough – Well this isn’t much of a surprise at all is it? Yes, my favourite girl in gaming of all time is Aerith, a character in my favourite RPG franchise, Final Fantasy VII. Although some prefer Tifa Lockhart for the obvious reasons, long legs and big breasts. Aerith I feel is a character you could really fall in love with. Her charm, elegance and natural beauty isn’t one that would give a boy a hard on but make someone melt inside with her innocence. The next few sentences are gonna sound a bit wussy here but from my perspective the fact that she dies after falling in love is all very successful story telling in a game. Throughout Crisis Core you are made to love Aerith and all the little things she does. In Final Fantasy VII she does the most selfless thing in the world, putting her friends before herself and making the ultimate sacrifice. I guess why I find her so charming and sweet is because she’s literally one of a kind in the world. Born as the last Ancient in the world, she’s literally the loneliest person in the world because of her magic. Never does she cry or sulk. She takes everything up until the very end on the chin and led a short life. Yeah it makes it sound like I’m in love with her but also note I’m a fool for Final Fantasy VII. The most powerful and selfless being in Gaia. That’s why she’s number one.

….And on Friday, Top 10 Protagonists!

Feel free to tell me any you think I missed out.

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